My Psalm

I know I post a lot of songs, but after God's word, they are what really reach my heart and minister to my soul.....

Humility

Pride.....this is a word no one likes to admit they struggle with.  It can be a very yucky word.  But truthfully I struggle with pride...probably daily.  But I don't want to....and thankfully I don't have to.  Our Savior is so gracious to leave us examples of how to live and we have the POWER of the Holy Spirit in us (as believers) to change.  I was studying John 13:1-17 (listening to Truth for Life) this morning and I was struck (again) by how humble Christ was.  I wanted to write down some things that really convicted me.

1.  To become us, human, was such a HUGE step down for him.  Philippians 2:7 "but (Jesus) made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness."  Being human is nothing.  What I mean is how many times do we think we are all that....or are so great because we have done this and that?  What we constantly need to remind ourselves is that we exist solely for Christ - despite our gifts - and not be like the disciples arguing over who is greater.

2.  If anyone "deserved" anything, it was Christ himself.  He should of been in a palace with servants but here he was washing the feet of others.  He didn't "do" anything to receive praise from others but to just obey his Father in heaven.  Phil 2:8 "And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"  Being crucified was as humiliating as it could be.  He hung there while being mocked.

One quote that I heard really summed it all up for me....I will have to paraphrase it.  "Humility is freeing ourselves from our own pride, realizing we are not the center of the universe, and still doing the most mundane acts without recognition and all with having joy." 

Shine

Father in heaven I just want to shine.  I want to be like your son every minute of everyday.  I want to know him more each second.  Help me with the power of your Holy Spirit to do this.  I want to be like Moses whose face shown each time he met with you.  I want others to see a difference in me and want what I have.  I want to care more about eternity and the souls of others than of myself.  If it means more pain and more trials so that I can deeply know you than I am ready.  I know my time here is so short that it is compared to a vapor so I want to use every moment I have.  I love you and thank you for choosing me even though I did nothing and could never do anything to deserve heaven and eternity with you.  Amen.

Is it safe?

As I have been going deeper in my relationship with the Lord, I have felt something holding me back.  So I have been praying, doing my quiet time, attending church, praying, singing worship songs....ya'll get the idea....and a few times I felt like I was on the verge of getting it.  But as I was getting ready to start my study today on Matt 11:25-30, what I had been looking, seeking, knocking on the door for, flooded into my heart so much that the tears are still on my face.  The conversation went / is going like this:  (The verses are about all who are weary to come to Christ and He will give you rest)

Me:  I am so tired Lord
Christ:  You are tired because you keep fighting....come to me and surrender yourself, your entire life, and you will have rest
Me:  I have been, haven't I?
Christ:  Maybe in some things but not in all....you are still hard hearted towards those I have placed in your life....those I want you to be an example to....to show my love to them through your kindness, your patience, your unconditional love for them
Me:  But that scares me
Christ:  Why?
Me:  Because they will hurt me and think they can walk all over me....don't I need to fight for myself, for my heart to stay unbroken?  Don't you see how they treat me Lord, how they hurt me?  Won't they then steal all the joy I have left?  Can't you just reach their hearts in a different way?  Use someone else?  Please...I can't do this!
Christ:  My sweet child....this is what is holding you back....(this is when I started sobbing)....you need to stop fighting and let go.  I have been enough for you in your past and I will be enough for you right now and in your future.  Don't you know how much I love you.  Do you think my love and my joy are not enough for you?  I promise joy and peace to those I love.  The more you give yourself to me the more you will see me, and the more you see me, the more you know me, and the more you know me, the more rest you will find...isn't that what you are wanting?  Love those I have given you with the love I have commanded (1 Corin 13).  Do you trust me in this?
Me:  Yes Lord....

"Lord, thank you for showing me my hard heart.  I want to jump in and love those around me with no hesitation.  But I can't, I can't love them without the help of your Holy Spirit in me.  Thank you for wanting to use me this way, even though it scares me.  Thank you that your love for me held you on a cross.  Amen."

End note:  I think it is crazy how God's timing is always so perfect.  I just finished a study on 1 Corin 13 last week.  It was absolutely amazing.  Here is the link if anyone is interested:  http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/series/love-in-the-local-church/

Perfectionism

This blog was meant to be a reminder to me, and hopefully as my children got older to them also, about all that God is doing.....but along the way I started to think that if everything I wrote wasn't "right" I shouldn't blog it.  See, I can be a perfectionist of myself.  But how silly is that?!  Of course I am going to be wrong....LOTS!  So once again I am back writing and sharing and making mistakes, but still pressing on so that I remember who God is and all that he is doing in me.  : )

I guess as an update I should say that I am still in this first flare up.  I have had more MRI's (2 spinal) and they do not show anymore inflammations, which is good.  So, my neurologist thinks that this one could be permanent.  Obviously I know that the Lord has the final say, but as crazy as this sounds, I have almost stopped praying for healing.  Not exactly sure why?  Maybe I have realized that my struggle might not be believing God can heal, cuz I do, but maybe I need to learn that through pain and through suffering God is enough to not only get me thru the day but bring me joy and peace.  For me, that truth is the hardest!

Mentally, I have been tired....really tired.  Some days I just want to stay in bed under the covers and sleep until this pain goes away.  It is a challenge daily to take all thoughts captive and give them to Christ.  I know that our Saviour calls us to come to him for rest and that promise is one I cling to.

As I push on towards the goal of eternity I am thankful that I am never alone and that there is always grace for me as I make mistakes, and while on this earth,  am never perfect!    

WOW!

So have you ever had a WOW moment while reading scripture?  That happened to me this morning.  Now, I have read this passage multiple times in the past 14 yrs but today it was just different. 

"For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, and through him God reconciled everything to himself.  He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ's blood on the cross.  This includes you who were once far away from God.  You were his enemies, seperated from him by your evil thoughts and actions.  Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body.  As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault."                  Colossians 1:19-22

Ok, so I started really thinking about this verse.  That I was once an ENEMY of God.  Who wants to be that, right?!  But here is what really got me......I asked myself the question....would I do what God did for my enemies?  I know Christ rose from the dead after 3 days....so God "got" his son back in three days BUT would I let my son go through ALL Christ's sufferings (even if I too got him back in three days) for my ENEMIES?!?!  Heck no!!!!  AND then after to see THEM as holy and blameless....WHAT?!?!  My SON was the one who suffered...not THEM...they were the ones with evil thougths and actions, not my son...THEY are the ones who should of died!  Why would God do this?!  Then this verse popped in my mind:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."                           John 3:16

WOW!  He must really love us!!

Becoming a 1 Peter Wife

As I was really praying and asking God to mold me into a better wife, I believe He led me to 1 Peter.  As I was reading through this book I wrote down 6 things that I am going to work on and pray that the Holy Spirit will change in me.  These are taken from 1 Peter 2:23 - 4:2:

1.  Respect Matt by my words to him and about him to others.

2.  Do not retaliate with insults when I am hurt.  Leave room for God to work.  Choose to bless instead.

3.  Be quiet and let the Holy Spirit do His job.  I only get in the way.

4.  Do not fear what decisions Matt might make, trust in the Lord to take care of me and our children.

5.  Pray for a gentle and quiet spirit.  That I would have a tender heart towards Matt and a humble attitude.

6.  Seek to be a peacemaker within our family and not to just have my way.  Seek not my own desires but God's will.

I will let ya'll know how this not only changes me but my family as well!  : )