Big Move!

So we made the move back to Texas last week!  : )  MANY  factors went into this decision.  One major reason was my MS.  We always knew that we wanted to move back here once we retired...that we wanted to "finish" here.  We thought it would be after the kids all graduated high school.  A little back story....my husband and I were both in the Marine Corps (me for four years and my husband for 8) and have moved 10 times since we have been married and each of us moved 4 times before that!!!!  I have been a stay at home mom since I have been out of the Corps and my husband has a job that is very mobile.  We have always LOVED moving and were living in Iowa by my parents for the last three years.  We thought we would stay there (we do have choices with my husband's job), but that all changed once I was diagnosed. 

One of the hardest things for me about living in Iowa was the winter.  Shoes really really hurt my feet.  The first winter of MS I wore nothing but flip flops....that didn't turn out well for my feet either!  I got infections in my toe nails and a few times I thought I got frost bite!  : )  Sooooo my doctor told me not to do that again this past winter! heh heh  It was one of the coldest and longest winters Iowa had seen in years.  Schools were closed because of cold NOT snow!  Needless to say I had to wear shoes a lot.  This made my feet hurt so bad that I ended up not leaving my house unless it was completely necessary.  I am very social so that was mentally and emotionally very difficult.  : (

Matt and I started thinking that maybe we needed to move back to Texas earlier that we had planned.  We started praying about it and God just opened every door and FAST!  We got the first job Matt inquired about and sold our house in one day!  : )  The move itself has been exhausting!  With the help of friends and family we packed ourselves up, drove two moving trucks and one van 1150 miles, and are in the process now of unpacking...all in the last two weeks!  : ) 

It is great to be back here and to feel "settled."  We do not plan/want to move again....even though my family thinks we will based on all our other moves!  heh heh  Another little side note...we lived in Texas about 2 1/2 years before me moved to Iowa.  We loved Texas then too, but really felt God calling us to move back around family.  We are so glad we did!  We got to be a home for my brother when he needed it, Matt was able to "officiate" my uncle's funeral, and my children were able to bond with grandparents and spend the night at their house at least once a week.  : ) 

I am going to have to make some big medical decisions because my neurologist here gave me some ideas that I think are valid.....I will blog more about that later....

My words

My words really matter!  If I SAY I am tired well then I will probably BE tired!  It isn't that I have to be "fake" but I don't need to complain and express every single issue at the moment.  Philippians 2:14-15 "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe..."  My mouth needs to be glorifying God.  : )

Why this is so convicting to me is that I have started new infusions.  I am taking a MS medicine called Tysabri.  I have had 4 infusions now.  I have them every 4 weeks.  And.....they cause me to be tired.  I think that for the past couple of months that is all I have been talking about....how tired I am.  My new approach is glorify the Lord and take the focus off me!  : )

My Life Lessons

I am going to write the different things I am learning and/or doing in my life.  Some may be about MS and some won't.  As I have been reminded again lately....I am not defined by my MS.  It is not who I am!  : )  Some things I write might be from what God is teaching me during my quiet times, my devotional book, or a recent sermon.  If ya'll ever want to know more about what I am learning just message me and I will give you exactly where it is from so you can dig deeper on your own.

Today my lesson is on jealousy and grace.  I am jealous that other people I know are not sick.  That sounds awful but it is true.  Right now I am looking for easy and that "seems" easier.  BUT God isn't letting me stay there.  I am learning that His Grace will be there for me and that I need to be on my knees more asking Him to change my heart and my mind.  I need eyes to see past this and know that He is working on my behalf right now. 

(1 Peter 5:10)  I am thankful that through this suffering (some caused by my own actions) that God will form me into who I am supposed to be! 

Attitude Change

This has been such an amazing wonderful week.  And it isn't cuz I feel better.  Actually I have been sick and my husband thinks I have walking pneumonia!  : )  I smile cuz it doesn't matter!  What matters is my attitude change.  Every morning I have woken up with such joy and excitement for my day, even though I can't breathe super great.  God has been so alive and drawing me to Him that how I "feel" is so miner.  Peace has returned to my home and I just want to praise God all day long for His work in me.  I needed severe correction and that I got!  But then I was showered in mercy and grace and love....what a wonderful God we serve!

More than MS

I am glad I got a comment that reminded me that I am more than MS.  It doesn't have to consume my life, my talk, or even my blog!  : )  I will use this blog to update any medical things going on in our family due to MS but as this flare-up settles down I am wanting to continue this blog for more.....not sure for what more yet!  : )

That being said, I do have some "medical" things to update.  The spinal fluid did come back with the MS proteins, so there is no more waiting to make sure I have MS.  It is official!  Because it is official I have to start MS medication.  After researching them....considering their effectiveness, years of research, amount of damage done to liver/kidneys, cost, side effects, etc.,  we have narrowed it down to two.  One is a daily shot injection called Copaxone.  It has been around for over 20 yrs, no damage to liver/kidneys, and has mild flu like side effects.  The second is a monthly IV.  As awful as this sounds I can not remember the name...it starts with a D.  : )  I would go in once a month for 2 hrs and the first hour is for the IV, and then they have to monitor you an hour afterwards because I believe you have some flu like side effects as well.  Now the IV is also twice as effective as the Copaxone, which is another reason I like it....plus no daily needles for me! : )  Here is the hangup with the IV.  60% of us will contract a virus in our lifetime called the JC virus.  It just feels like you have a cold, and then the virus lies dormant in your brain.  The medicine in the IV actually causes that virus to "awaken" and that cause serious brain infections and possible death.  So I have taken a blood test to see if I carry this virus.  If I am positive I have will remain on the Copaxone.  If I am negative we will go through the process of starting the IV treatment.  This may take a month or so, so either way as soon as my Copaxone comes in the mail I will begin my daily shots.  I will then have blood tests done every 6 months to check and see if I have the JC virus, since I can still get it in my lifetime.  Sorry if that was confusing!  : )

I want to also add this amazing song to this post.  A sweet friend blessed me with this and I think it is amazing!  : )  I want my trust to know no borders!

Sorry and Thank You

I just had to write a little post to say sorry and thank you.  I need to apologize for my attitude the past few months.  I haven't posted so this really is for my friends and family here and I have already apologized to many of them in person.  But, I still felt that I should just blog it also as a way to remind myself of where my heart was this summer. 

I really became bitter this summer over many things...where we lived, not feeling well, etc.  I took my eyes off Christ and focused them completely on myself.  So this is where the thank you comes in.  I am so thankful for my close friends and family who didn't give up on me.  They still called me and checked in on me.  I am very grateful and as they days/months go by, I am excited to see what plans God has for our family here or wherever he leads us!  : ) 

Hope is what I crave!

This song was given to me by a very sweet friend.  The lyrics are so true!  We all need hope no matter where we are in our life right now.  This weekend I needed hope that God had not forgotten me....and He showed up.  I know that is because so many people lifted me up this weekend when I couldn't even lift up my own prayers.  I would like to say that I feel great again, but I don't.  I have to take some high doses of steroids orally for the rest of this week and then decrease them next week.  I am sick to my stomach almost all day and night BUT I am not without hope.  I needed to be reminded that God is still here with me even through all of this pain and sickness.  He hasn't left me or forgotten me.  : )