I started this blog to journal my journey with MS but also to encourage others who may or may not have an illness. I haven't posted in a long time because I think I wanted to only post how great I was doing and feeling. But the reality is that there are days I am not doing well. On those days I didn't want to whine and complain so I didn't write then either. But I believe that I am suppose to continue this blog..... so I am going to post as often as time allows.
Right now I am truthfully broken. I had another relapse last Friday and that is always followed by steroids, insomnia, and then some illness. Right now it feels like the flu. The worst part of this relapse is/was my mental state. I felt like quitting, but how? I can't just leave my body on the side of the road! I felt/feel useless.
I think we have all felt that way. What do I have to offer? What am I good at? I came to Christ insecure and ashamed of my past. Over time He showed me I was a new creation. I had gifts and there was great joy in using them to bless others. And I did use them, and I did have joy in it. But what about now I keep asking?
How can this broken body serve anyone? I am unreliable and barely have the strength some days to just care for my family. After three years why can't I have it together? These questions and doubts have been raging a war in my head for months now. And after that last relapse I just broke.....
I want to share that I am on the other side and that I have this great come back story but right now I don't. God is bringing me up out of this pit, but it has been slow and painful but this is where my faith comes in.
If you are hurting, struggling, doubting....I beg you to cry out for Christ. He will help you! Also allow others to love you.... don't hide out like I do... it only makes the pit deeper!