Thursday, June 28, 2012

No complaining

For the past week or so I have felt God tell me "no complaining."  That I am to literally cast all my cares, fears, worries, complaints, etc on him and no one else.  What?!  Who is going to fix everything then or tell me what to do?  Well....he is! 

This doesn't mean I am supposed to be fake and never share my struggles....but asking for prayer because I am weak and complaining are different.  And sometimes it is actually hard to know the difference.

There is a saying I learned years ago that keeps coming into my head "Throne before Phone."  I am to bring my life before his throne before I pick up the phone to tell someone else.  This can be a lot easier said then done! 

How can I remember to do this?  By hiding God's word in my heart. (Psalm 119:9 & 11)

"Do everything without complaining or arguing"     Phil 2:14

"O Lord, I am calling to you.  Please hurry!  Listen when I cry to you for help!"     Psalm 141:1

"Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips."     Psalm 141:3

"I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord's mercy.  I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.  When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.  Then I pray to you, O Lord.  I say, 'You are my place of refuge, You are all I really want in life.'"   Psalm 142:1,2,3a & 5

Sunday, June 24, 2012

New Saying

Instead of "pride comes before the fall," try this one from 1Kings 20:11 "A warrior putting on his sword for battle should not boast like a warrior who has already won."  Love it!  : )

Medical Update

This is just a little update on me medically.  I had another spinal MRI on June 15th to see why I was still in pain and not getting any better.  On June 19th (my daddy's birthday!) I went to get my here they are:

1.  The spot in my spine that caused this flareup looks good.  It is still visible (maybe it always will be?) but it is not inflammed.  That is good because the steroids did their job at the beginning. 

2.  Why am I still in pain?  There is possible severe nerve damage at the spot. 

3.  What does that mean?  Well, this could be permanent.  So I asked, "How long until you would medically call it permanent?"  Answer..."One year."  So basically, the longer I go without healing the higher the chances that this is permanent.  But of course we know God can do His healing whenever He pleases!  : )

4.  To help with this pain I am upping the dose of one med and adding we will see!

5.  There was another iffy spot on my spine they saw.  This could be the start of another flareup.  I am to call him if I have anymore symptoms that last more than a day.

6.  Here comes the hard part...for me at least.  Now that the other spot is there and this flareup has not gone away I can technically start MS medicine.  (The other meds I take are not for MS but for the pain).  So no big deal right?  Well.....the medicine for MS does not come in pill form.  I will have to give myself shots!  Anyone who knows me knows why this is VERY hard for me.  Let me just say that I have MANY stories of passing out when it comes to needles or talking about needles or any of that medical stuff....yes I am a wimp!  : )

7.  One side effect of the shots is flu like symptoms.....fever, aches, chills, etc.  So there are daily shots or weekly shots with pros and cons of each.  Daily shots don't go as deep in your leg, so the injection site isn't as sore, and the flu symptoms aren't as severe or last as long each day....but I have to do this every day!  Weekly shots go deeper into the muscle so the injection site is more sore and the flu symptoms last longer and are more severe....but I only have to give a shot once a week. 

8.  I can wait to start this medicine until I have another flareup or if my brain MRI in October shows MS lesions.  Matt and I have decided that I will wait.  So for now there are no needles in this house!  : )

That is pretty much it!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

But they don't deserve it

As I have been reading this Jonah study one of the points is that Jonah ran from God.  Now he physically ran, and since I am still sitting here, I am not guilty of that right?  Or am I?!

Running from God can be internally as much as it is externally.  In fact for me that is the case.  Isaiah 29:13, "Then the Lord said, 'because this people draw near with their words and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts far from Me, and their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote.' "  Basically these people (ME) are just going through the motions. 

Not only can I just "go through the motions" but I can also justify it in my mind.  If I don't think they deserve what God is asking me to do then I think I can choose to disobey.  Am I out of my mind?!  : )

"Lord, thank you that in your goodness you reveal my sin, my ugliness to me.  Please don't leave me this way.  Thank you that even though I did not and could not ever deserve your Son you sent Him anyway for me.  Amen."   

I want to live this way!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Slow down

I can look over my journals of the past 10+ years and there is a constant theme...I need to slow down.  I would journal that and pray for it and maybe do good for a few days and then the "Martha" would come out in me again.  I know that this is one of the many reasons God allowed me to get sick.  I have to slow down.  So why is it that I can forget that so easily?!  I will literally push myself to the point that my feet burn so bad that it is like I am not taking any medicine at all.  Why do I feel guilty when I sit?  This is not from the Lord.  I was reading in Pslam 34 and verse 11 made me stop, confess my sin of busyness, and beg the Lord to fill in my gaps.  It reads, "Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord."  How can my children listen to can I teach them if I am not available?  Father I pray you will bring me to my knees even more if that is the only way I will stop and be available to train up my children in your ways.  Thank you for the gift they are and let your Sprit be strong in them. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Life Interrupted

Have you ever been just hit on the head by God?  Like He says, "Wake up!  I am talking to you!"  That happened to me today....

To really understand my day you need to know that I have been in kind of a dark place the past couple of days.  I have been pretty much complaining and feeling sorry for myself.  I guess you could say that I have been tired.  Tired of my feet/legs hurting...tired of not getting a good nights sleep...tired of taking pills...tired of not being able to run like I want...just tired of being sick.  I am not proud of this but it is the truth.

So back to today.  I just started this bible study this morning...."Jonah...Navigating a Life Interrupted, by Priscilla Shirer"....and we are sitting there watching the first session.  Let me tell you it was like it was just for me.  The first question she asked was, "How has your life been interrupted lately?"  Well no brainer for me to answer that question!  : )  But as this video went on I realized what a brat I have been.  So here is what I believe God hit me over the head with today:

1.  That God has a right to "interrupt" my life whenever He sees fit and I have a choice to act like a martyr, be a complainer, or yield when I hear his voice.

2.  That just hearing His voice at all is a privilege.  The interrupted like is a privileged life even if it is frustrating or embarrassing or even physically painful.

3.  God has kingdom plans for me and that by being sick He has allowed me to be apart of them.  Another way to look at it is "Divine Intervention NOT God Interrupting."

4.  If I run (like Jonah, who was the only prophet to do this) and do not follow through than I am saying my way is more important than God's way.  Side note:  Did you know that one of the greatest revivals in history (Nineveh) occurred because of one man finally being obedient?  AND that Jonah's life only really became significant after this "interruption" from God.

5.  It is easier when God wants us to advise others than when God wants us to go.  When He does say go (interrupts) do I really say "I got it" and mean it or do I just look the part.  Let's be real hear....if you have been a Christian for awhile you can fake it.  You can say all the Christian things and quote the verses until either you are interrupted yourself or that interruption gets a little bit harder.  Then you have to decide if you are going to surrender it all to the Lord.

6.  BUT if you do surrender...fully in...then your life...will be an unbelievable story pointing the way to our Lord Jesus Christ.

So here are the questions I was asked today and that I am asking you.  What situation in your life are you trying to run from?  Who are the Ninevites in your life God wants you to witness to?  When God interrupts will you yield?

Today was a great wake up / reminder that God has a plan for me and that He hasn't left me or ever will!  That no matter how painful this gets or however long it lasts that this is a privilege and as I keep surrendering to Him, He will continue to use me in His plans even if I don't know what they are or even see them this side of heaven.

"Lord, forgive me once agian for my complaining attitude.  Use me like you did Jonah.  I want to point others to you even if I have to be in pain every day to do so.  Help me because I am weak.  Amen."

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Too Funny

So I just posted my last post about "everything bigger in Texas" and went on klove to check some news.  On their front page was this story:

I'm home!

I didn't technically just get home....I actually got home a week ago but anyone who has been gone from their home knows it takes a week to get your house back in order! For those wondering, Bekah did great and still wants a family one day : )

If you have ever heard the saying things are bigger in Texas well that is SO true. I have to share a picture of this crazy ice cream cone I ordered there. It is just a medium and I get a medium here all the time and it is LOTS smaller.

I also remembered that in Texas my friend Liz makes me shop WAY to much! : ) We had a lady at Dillards take our picture and she thought we were crazy! I had just got off the plane and we were there shopping 20 minutes later!!

I had such a great time and I hope that anyone who has never been to San Antonio will put it on their bucket list...ya'll will not be disappointed!