That is the million dollar question.....at least for me.....and that is.....is God good? Not just good when I am laughing with my kids....or Matt and I are on an amazing date together...or my house is clean and all the laundry done...or whatever else makes me "happy." Is God good when the house is a mess, laundry is all over the floor, Matt is at work, the kids are yelling at each other, and my feet are on fire....and all this at the same time. Is God good?
I realized I have to make a choice to believe he either is or isn't. It really comes down to one or the other. And it doesn't matter what my circumstances are. I think for the past few weeks I really doubted if he was. Because if I believe he is good than I have to believe that having MS is what is best for me. What?!
What is so great is that God doesn't tell us to figure it out and get it all together and then come find him. He is big enough to handle our questions and our doubts. He never leaves us. If we are Christians then his Spirit lives in us. I know it was the Holy Spirit in me that helped me answer this important question.
Yesterday it was like a switch in my heart was turned on. And it wasn't because anything around me changed. The answer to this question is so perfectly clear now. I KNOW that God is good. That having MS is best, even though right now I may not know exactly why. That doesn't matter. Because I know God is good, I can fully and completely trust him.