Monday, October 22, 2012

Stake in the Ground

Well the results of my MRI are this....the questionable spot in my brain is in fact a MS lesion.  So there it is.  No more guessing.  The good news is that my brain was not full of them.  I really struggled with this all last week (which is why I didn't post anything).  I am not sure why....I guess I was still hoping I wouldn't have MS.  That this was just a fluke thing.  I felt angry, hopeless, my friend said to me it was like I was grieving.  And I think I was grieving.....grieving a life I know I will never go back to.  I was angry that my youngest would probably only know me as this sick mom.  I felt hopeless thinking that God has left me and I had no idea where to go next.  I was scared that this pain would never go away and that there is more pain to come.  I felt as if I was going to become such a burden to my family.  All of this was going through my head on top of being one of the most painful weeks I have had lately.

So where am I now?  Well, as of today, I am placing a stake in the ground.  Instead of mourning my old life I am going to be excited for this new life.  God promises he will never leave me or forsake me and I am going to hold on tightly to that promise.  If I continue to look back I am going to miss what is ahead....and I don't want to do that.  I may not be able to plan like I used to or "go" like I used to but I can do one very important thing....I can live each day on my knees before the Lord, relying on his strength to make it through whatever that day brings! 


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