I will update on the "medical" things probably tomorrow. I have a dr appt today that I hope will clear up my questions and then I can post the answers I get. : )
But the "Questions" title I have for this post is not about my questions to the dr today, it is about the questions I have been asking myself the past few days. I am doing a bible study right now called "Stuck" by Jennie Allen. Isn't it amazing how God leads you to exactly what you need when you need it? Could that be why He is God?! : ) I have been wrestling with myself lately and especially since I have had some of the worst "sick" days yet. I know I need to slow down but I don't. Instead I take more pain meds and keep charging ahead until I have a day like I did Saturday. A day where I am throwing up or so nauseous I can't leave my bed and have the pain that can't be controlled by meds. I think sometimes it is because I can be a perfectionist and can't just sit and relax and give my body the rest it really needs.
Ok, so back to the questions. Here is where this situation and others in my life all kinda come together. Please remember MY brain can be everywhere so this may not make sense to all! : ) I think I will just write the verses that have stuck out to me in this study so far and then the questions that have been swimming in my head. I am not going to answer them, just so you know, I am just writing them down so I don't forget the areas God is challenging me right now.
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." Luke 7:47
Thoughts and questions: If I am not showing much love, than maybe I think I have only been OR need little forgiveness, but the truth is that I need LOTS of forgiveness and grace! So why am I not full of love towards others? Why do I walk around not having a smile on my face and almost rude to those around me? Why am I quick to point out others faults or somehow think that I am above any sin known to man? As if I could never make the mistakes they have?
"To keep me from becoming conceited....there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-12
Thoughts and questions: Do I really want to be weak? Or do I want to be strong in my own way and my own strength. I struggle looking "weak" by the world's standards. Even in the Christian circle. Does being a Christian make me perfect all of the sudden? Shouldn't it make me more humble? Less self-reliant? Shouldn't I want to get out of the way? Shouldn't I be more ready to admit my faults and failures because I know I am forgiven?
I think one of the reasons God has chosen not to heal me yet is that I have SO MUCH more to learn!!