Friday, April 27, 2012
What If? So What?
I wanted to share something that I learned (and have not mastered) early in this "sickness." As you may remember everything happened so fast....like a 24 hour turnaround! So it was probably the 3rd day that I started freaking out. On the 1st day, I didn't really even know what MS was, so when my Dr. said this could be the beginning of MS I was really calm.....I don't think I even knew what MS stood for! Then on the 2nd day, I had my first steriod infusion and felt so horrible that was all I could think about. The next day...the 3rd day...I went on my computer and looked up MS. That was when the panick started creeping in. : ) So I was sitting on my bed and all the "what ifs" started. What if this never goes away? What if I do have MS? What if I go into a wheelchair? What if I go blind? What if I die early? What if Matt doesn't love me anymore? What if I embarrass my children? What if I have to wear depends because I can't control myself? What if I never leave this room again? And I am sure there more! And then that's when I heard it.......So what? So what if all these things do happen? Does that mean I love you any less? Does that mean you are any less of my child? Does that mean I have left you or would ever leave you? Does that mean my Son didn't die for you? Does that mean I still don't have a plan for your life? My fears went away that day.....and my "what if" changed to a "so what." But remember I have yet to master this! : )